Normalize Loving Yourself

For a lot of people self-love may take the form of relaxing hot showers, calming baths, scented candles, enjoying a cup of coffee while reading your favorite book, going for a jog, finding clothes you like, treating yourself to a spa day, and good food or in other words just simply doing something that you love to do.

But self-love isn’t really just about pampering yourself.

Then what is self love?

Does loving ourselves mean being able to look in the mirror for once without criticizing our own bodies? Does it mean that you finally feel content with where you are at in life? Or is it being able to be happy for both yourself and others when we achieve success? Does loving ourselves involve speaking and thinking kindly of ourselves? Does loving ourselves include listening to our needs and putting ourselves first sometimes?

The truth is that: self-love is not just a pretty physical process but the true meaning of self love according to me is acceptance.

For many of us, we need to learn how to conquer and keep our demons in check. There might be so many times where we are caught in a downward spiral of self hatred, pain, or fear. Right there we are faced with two choices. We could label those feelings as unacceptable and try to push them away or we could accept that those feelings were present and happening to us.

Trying to suppress what we feel may seem like a solution in the moment — but the problem may grow bigger than what it originally is in the long run if it wasn’t addressed.

Is there a way to really truly love ourselves 100%? Maybe, maybe not. As judgmental as we can be about others, many of us have ourselves as our own worst critic.

There is a saying that those who have known what darkness and pain feels like can go either one of two ways: either they dwell in their darkness, or they feel more inclined to spread the light they wished they could have had. Well let me be honest: I’m not a perfect person either, I am still struggling in the process of truly loving myself. But, it only makes us human. I feel especially bitter and frustrated about the person that I become on the days I feel consumed by my own darkness. In those moments, I question who I am and the parts of me that I have lost. This is what real self-love is. It's not the cliche phrase where you force yourself to think positive thoughts about yourself and deny the other parts you hate.

It's the acceptance of all the parts of yourself - the parts you like about yourself, the parts you wish would go away, the emotions that make you feel alive, and the emotions that take you to your knees.

Have I found a solution for the thoughts and the pit of darkness I find myself in? Not entirely. But I am reminding myself that despite the grueling process, I have the choice to allow something beautiful to grow from it. Maybe not today, maybe not tomorrow — but I’ll get there one day.

Until then here are some things we can do for ourselves:

1. Be gentle with yourself: "Be gentle with yourself, learn to love yourself, to forgive yourself, for only as we have the right attitude toward ourselves can we have the right attitude toward others." - Wilfred Peterson

We often beat ourselves up for not being able to achieve something by this age, not being able to top the class, not being able to get that job or internship or that thing you did one time (or maybe a few times) that made you feel bad, embarrassed, ashamed? — we can go on forever when it comes to criticizing ourselves. It’s time to let that go. You can’t change the things you have done in the past but you can control your future. Look at it as a learning experience and believe in your ability to change. Forgive yourself for not knowing better at the time. Forgive yourself for what you have done in the past. Forgive yourself — but be open to change the traits that have been toxic to both others and you.

2. Stop the comparisons: There is no one on this planet like you, so you cannot fairly compare yourself to someone else. The only person you should compare yourself to is you. Embrace and love the things that make you different. This is what makes you special.

3. Be patient but persistent: Self-love is ever evolving. It’s something that needs to be practiced daily but can take a lifetime to master. So be kind and support yourself through the hard times.

4. Let go of past trauma and wound: This can be a really tough one and I know — it hurts. It may even be one of those times you need to turn to others for support. The truth is though, when we let go of things that have happened to us it’s almost like a weight is lifted off our shoulders. We don’t need to carry that around with us anymore. We deserve better!

5. Be grateful: Find something to be grateful for every day It’s inevitable that you are going to have your down days. This is fine and very human of you. It’s especially important on these days to find at least one thing you are grateful for as it helps to shift your mind and energy around what’s going on.

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Parthhvi Haria